Christmas

It’s here. I woke up on 1st December and the holiday season had quite literally detonated – a brazen explosion of Wham!, tinsel and pine trees – in my eyeline at every turn and on the lips of every human I spoke to. I spent the entire day listening to whimsical conversations of advent calendars, Christmas plans and holidays. Oh, how my spirit withered. 

Since hitting the grand old age of 18, I haven’t understood the magic of Christmas. I grew up. I moved out. I went to uni. Got a job. And just believed it to be just like any other day. 

Our Christmas Days were never board games and laughter and food in abundance. They were about luxury gifts, a solemn festive lunch making small talk and then usually an afternoon of watching mundane, mind-numbing TV cooped up alongside my older brother while we entertained ourselves with new gadgets as our folks napped. Rinse and repeat for dinner time and Christmas day was over, just like that. 

Christmas Eve, however – well that’s my Christmas Day. An evening of singing Christmas carols on the village green, a drink in the local pub with my folks with some new and old faces and a crispy jacket potato for dinner. That, in its entirety, is what has meant the most to me at Christmas. It arrives once a year and 2 hours later, it’s over. 

This year I’m stepping outside the predictable Christmas Day format and venturing anew. The last 24 months have been filled with turmoil, hardship and sadness. I’ve held onto a huge amount of bitterness and regret for a solid year or so. On reflection it’s also made me an exceptionally resilient individual. 

I wish I’d never had to be quite as resilient, but life serves you what’s meant to be – you take challenges and roadblocks in equal helpings as opportunities and blessings. For me, the confusion and negativity has manifested itself with more clarity than patience and opportunity, especially this year. But even putting this in writing, being right here in the present, being here to write this – I had protection from those close when the walls collapsed and the darkness set in. 

Yes. This year it’s Christmas Eve in its traditional glory followed by Christmas Day with beach air, a log fire and a dinner we haven’t had to cook. It’ll be different, being away from home. But it feels right that ‘different’ is on the horizon. I have a vision. And it’s only just unfolding…